Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
