apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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