We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Say something about gay babies.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
