i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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