And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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