I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
