made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
