He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
