his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
