we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I supernannyed him into submission
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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