I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
