Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
