Nicole vs. Life
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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