New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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