well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
