Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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