Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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