how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize