3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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