I met the friendliest cop last night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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