Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We are all done wearing pants today
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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