I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
