this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
