Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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