i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
