He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
