I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
