my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
