I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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