just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
