my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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