I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
