Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
