Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
