It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
