I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
