...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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