Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
