you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
