he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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