Say something about gay babies.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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