ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
