So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
