he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
