just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
