I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
