I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
