I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Randomize
