I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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