all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
